6/11/10
6/4/10
Personal Triumphs are Overrated
An Excerpt from Rachel Maddow's 2010 Commencement Speech
Smith College
...Frankly, if all goes well, life is long. So if you might take advice from me I would offer this, hopefully life is long. Do stuff you will enjoy thinking about and telling stories about for many years to come. Do stuff you will want to brag about.
No one brags to the grandkids that they were one of the geniuses behind poisoning all the industrial alcohol in the country. Nobody's going to brag to grand kids about "Who-needs-wetlands? Let's-have-a-subdivision-and-a-shipping-canal-instead" decisions that made New Orleans the tragedy and the distant hope that it is today -- and the 40 percent of our nation's wetlands that is Louisiana's beaten, bloodied coast.
Nobody's ultimately going to brag to their kids about having told the country that we ought to invade Iraq because, you know 9/11, and it ought to be easy. Imagine in the family history: "Yeah, then granddad went onto TV and said war in Iraq would take six weeks, max." Nobody wants to remember that about granddad.
So I would advise, if you have the choice, don't be the granddad, don't be the grandma whose temporal personal triumph is something you only hope is something that gets forgotten in history.
In the big picture, standing at the age 22-ish or 40-ish or 62-ish -- Ada Comstockers, right on -- standing at the age you are now at graduation, looking for your own deep-water horizon, consider the possibility that you might very well get old -- everybody hopes you do. Be part of good decisions because the stuff you do now you will want to be bragging about when you become 90.
How do you become part of good decisions in the absence of a crystal ball? The best way to guess what is going to work out in the future and to figure out what you'll be glad you played a role in is to get smart and get smart fast, to take the opportunities you've got very seriously, to continue your education not necessarily in a grad school way, but in a lifelong way, be intellectually and morally rigorous in your own decision-making and expect that the important people in your life do the same if they want to stay important to you.
Gunning not just for personal triumph for yourself, but for durable achievement to be proud of for life is the difference between winning things and leadership; it's the difference between nationalism and patriotism; it's the difference between running for office and devoting yourself to public service; it's agreeing that you're part of something; taking as your baseline that you will not seek to reach your own goals by stepping on your community; it means coming to terms that your country needs you, Smith Class of 2010.
There will come times in life and career ahead when you have to choose between integrity and more short-term temptations. You will be the press secretary who is asked to lie to the press; you will be the regulator asked to approve the drilling with the Mickey Mouse safety plan; you will be the artist commissioned to make what you suspect is propaganda; the engineer pressed to use the cheaper, unsafe welds; the job applicant asked to cross the picket line; the research scientist expected to round to the nearest publishable conclusion; the spouse tempted to cheat; the physician tempted to schill; the staff sergeant asked to keep quiet; the politician confronted with the focus group that proves how well appeals to racism poll in your district; the pundit offered the talking point; the procurement officer offered the kickback.
In the short term it's always crystal clear what advances you further, what makes you famous, what gets you your boss' job, what gets you elected, what gets you rich.
In the end, though, blood will out.
History has a way of not remembering that some of those Iraq War press secretaries had real talent in the White House press room; or that BP and Trans-Ocean had a real talent for drilling down to find oil deeper than anyone else.
When given the choice between fame and glory, take glory. Glory has a way of sneaking up on fame and stealing its lunch money later anyway.
Life might very well be long, keep your eye on the horizon and live in a way that you will be proud of. You will sleep more. You'll be a better partner. You'll be a better mom. You'll be a better friend. You'll be a better boss, and you will not have to remember any complicated lies to brag about at the old age home because you can brag about the truth of your well-lived life.
In conclusion, I'm not going to be egotistical enough to ask you to remember any of this advice. [...]sYou are graduating from Smith College. You are well prepared. You are poised. You're well connected. You are wicked smart. You are already accomplished.
Do not for yourself today, but for yourself to be proud of at the end of your life. Do not for the fame, but for the glory – learn the difference. Do not just for your own life, but for the life of your nation, that is still, for all its challenges and its flaws, is in many ways the best hope on earth. A country that needs you and the best you have to offer and your best judgment.
6/3/10
Rent-a-Hubby
I love throwing parties. My husband does not. I'm an obsessive overachiever with catering price comparisons and costco lists. I bully my girlfriends into baking hundreds of mini cupcakes; i'm a better delegator than baker.
But once the party starts, and I have my first cocktail in hand, I am notorious for letting guests fend for themselves. I have too much fun flitting around barefoot, catching up with neighbors, and making obnoxious toasts while standing on chairs.
My husband refuses to partake in my party mania. He refuses to follow my commands, instructions, or even gentle suggestions. It is better for our marriage for me to find help elsewhere. It is better for me to rent-a-hubby.
This past April, I was referred to a wonderful waiter who wouldn't mind helping out for a Sunday birthday brunch. He arrived on a drizzly morning, wearing the coziest hoodie sweatshirt I had ever seen. He grinned and asked how he could help. Within minutes, he was standing on a ladder hanging chinese lanterns. And to my surprise, he kept on grinning.
He wanted to change into the standard black shirt before the party started, but I demanded he keep his hoodie on. Our friends thought he was a super attentive friend. They didn't know he was my rent-a-hubby.
I'm ordering the same hoodie for my real husband. I hope it will have magical powers. I hope it will inspire him to slice fruit, make finger sandwiches, and pick up empty cups. But I'm not holding my breath.
My husband refuses to partake in my party mania. He refuses to follow my commands, instructions, or even gentle suggestions. It is better for our marriage for me to find help elsewhere. It is better for me to rent-a-hubby.
This past April, I was referred to a wonderful waiter who wouldn't mind helping out for a Sunday birthday brunch. He arrived on a drizzly morning, wearing the coziest hoodie sweatshirt I had ever seen. He grinned and asked how he could help. Within minutes, he was standing on a ladder hanging chinese lanterns. And to my surprise, he kept on grinning.
He wanted to change into the standard black shirt before the party started, but I demanded he keep his hoodie on. Our friends thought he was a super attentive friend. They didn't know he was my rent-a-hubby.
I'm ordering the same hoodie for my real husband. I hope it will have magical powers. I hope it will inspire him to slice fruit, make finger sandwiches, and pick up empty cups. But I'm not holding my breath.
THE RENT-A-HUBBY UNIFORM
The unisex Rocky Eco-Fleece Zip Hoodie by Alternative Apparel
6/1/10
a little piece of heaven
My Elementary School Journal Entry from October 27, 1993.
When I grow up, I want to be a writer and write children's books and musical plays. I would make up songs and choreograph dances for the play. In the summer, I would live in the country in a small yellow house with white shudders on the windows and a bright white front door. In the back there would be a stable full of pretty horses. There would also be a big pool and a dance room connected to the house. In the winter, I would go in to Chicago and New York to perform the plays.
Nearly seventeen years after I wrote this journal entry, I've found the architects for the country dream house: Backen, Gillam, & Kroeger. And thanks remodelista.com for their introduction.
5/29/10
Happy Memorial Day Weekend
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo,
flying across in front of a beautiful sunset?
And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak,
and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet.
And also, you're drunk.
-Jack Handy [SNL]
5/25/10
Naughty Bits
Queen Bee's mother warned her, "Once you kiss a suitor, beware: it's a slippery slope from there." The same holds true with Ebay browsing. One minute Queen Bee is ordering the flirty vintage novel Illusion, Marry for Love, and the next, she is spiraling down the filthy cyber rabbit hole to find bachelorette inspired bits and bobs.
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